I Am So Proud of Myself

Riley and Maggie last winter in Germany. Still, no snow in NY. Our ski mountain had to make their own!

Yesterday was my first day of ski lessons. I have to admit, on my drive to the mountain, I was very nervous. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to like skiing, because if I did, everyone in my family would be so happy. So if I hated it, skiing would be fun for everyone but me.

I tried skiing twice before. (Well, only once, because the second time I went, I drank beer in the lounge by myself and appointed myself the "official photographer)." The first time, was in high school, and I went last minute with a bunch of my friends. I remember going on the slopes, with these red pants I had- I didn't have snow pants, and my winter jacket that year was a winter jean jacket (do you remember them)? Yeah, I must had looked like a moron!! My first act of destruction was falling off the t-bar going up to the bunny slope on the first and only ride up. I thought it was funny that I fell off, so I laid in the snow, laughing, oblivious that I was supposed to quickly get out of the way to avoid the oncoming t-bars that were racing towards me. I think my friend threw herself on me and we both managed to get out of the way. Almost getting myself hurt, and haven't even skiied yet! Once on top of the "Bunny Slope" my friends gave me a 2-minute lesson on snowplowing, and they left me to go down the slope by myself. They cheered for me to join them at the bottom, as I tumbled by way down. Literally tumbling... I was like a bowling ball, ready to strike. I threw myself down the bunny slope like a lion. I was going so fast, forgetting the quick snowplowing lesson, and a bunch of little kids were my bowling pins, and I think I got a strike! They all fell down, as I crash in front of my friends who were waiting for me. Of course, they were all laughing, and to my horror, all the kids' parents that I crashed into were yelling at me. "You're too old to be on this slope!" So, that was my first experience skiing.

This time, I got myself a warm winter ski jacket, goggles, ski socks, ski hat and ski gloves. At least if I was going to suck, I would look good this time! When we got our boots on and I found my group outside (all the other moms and dads were who first-time skiers), I felt relaxed. I knew a couple of the moms in my group, and I knew if at least I sucked, I would have fun doing it. My ski teacher is a young college kid, who reminds me of someone that I would had hung out with if I were in college still. He was a total joker, so I knew I would feel comfortable with him. We started just walking in a circle with our skis on. Then we were given that famous snowplow lesson, and had to go down a very little hill. Skiing, this time, seemed easier, since it reminded me of rollerblading. We went up this other hill, and we had to get ourselves on this conveyor belt type thingy, which I had never seen before. Once we were up the hill, our teacher told us to practice going down, using snowplowing and turning. I felt like I did a good job, and my favorite part was when my teacher called me Lindsey Vaughn, because I was going down the hill, kind of fast. Yup, that was pretty cool. After our lesson, I was reunited with the kids and Tim and our best friends, who are also doing the lessons with us. I was shocked at how good Riley was. Maggie, on the other hand, was making me nervous. Every time she came tumbling down the hill, I thought for sure she was going to break something. Tim worked with her for a bit, and as I was sitting in the snow with my friend (it was over 40 degrees and I think we were making snow angels), I glanced up to see someone like Maggie coming down the hill, snowplowing. It wasn't until she was at the bottom that I could confirm that the girl was indeed my daughter, and I started cheering for her! I was so proud of her progress!

We had so much fun during our free ski time. The man working the top of the conveyor belt kept teasing me, "Oh, you are going to be so sore tomorrow." "Oh, you better get something to take tonight so you're not sore." He was kind of heckling me. So this morning, not one muscle sore! So I am so proud of myself for skiing well, and for not being sore.

When we got in the car last night, I saw the real big mountain (with the chairlift), and that looks scary. So, I really shouldn't be so braggy right now about my skiing, because I still haven't touched my skis on the actual real mountain!

But, I feel good about conquering something that I thought I would NEVER do again.

Keeping Up with the Housework

It must be time to clean my house! It's Saturday, and that's what Saturdays are for. Doing laundry, vacuuming, and putting those piles away that have been piling up all during the week.

And guess what else gives me that little hint that I need to clean my house? It's 11 Am, and I have already killed 2 spiders. One was little, so I just killed it and was like "Whatever." But the second one was in Maggie's bedroom, crawling on the floor (and she has brown carpet, so you know when you see any insects on that rug, it must be huge). And it was the BIGGEST spider I have seen since I saw those big ones in Germany. Maybe my house is so messy and dirty, maybe it traveled with us from Germany...And now I'm obsessed with finding more spiders. I can't stop thinking about spiders.

Yup, time to clean my house.

Riley's Character Ed Award

After school today, Riley was so excited to tell me that he was awarded a Character Ed award for being Generous. His name was announced at today's school assembly, and even though I wasn't there, I can just picture his little surprised grin when his name was announced.

I just recently read a parenting article about the importance of modeling to your children the behaviors you want from them. I totally agree with this. I think if you want your children to have manners, you need to have manners yourself. It makes perfect sense.

I have known for some time that Riley is a generous boy. This past Christmas, he made sure to either buy gifts or make gifts for everyone who was included in our Christmas; all of our extended family. He was very thoughtful in doing this. Me??? I was frantically buying gifts on-line, since I didn't have the patience to shop in the malls. I complained a lot this past December about the shopping, the hassles that the holidays seem to bring. Since the Christmas shopping was falling on me this year (Tim just works too much), I was feeling the stress of getting all the perfect gifts for everyone. Meanwhile, my son was happily making gifts and wrapping them all himself. I certainly wasn't modeling any Generosity manners this past month. And last year, he organized a fundraiser for a friend's daughter who was battling cancer, and he managed to raise $900 in his German International School. He is always offering to help me clean, rake leaves and shoveling the driveway. Two years ago, Tim moved to Germany and we lived almost 6 months apart. Riley took his role as "man of the house" very seriously, and was a tremendous help during this time. I have to say, too, that my daughter is generous. While she's generous in a loud and boisterous way, Riley is generous in a quiet and soft-spoken way.

We did shop for others this season, adopting a family. So that was generous. I am a somewhat generous person, but I could be even more generous. My son naturally is generous, while I have to try to be...He is a role model for me; truly.

Child #2 sick now

I guess when you have 2 kids, and one of them gets sick, it's pretty probable that the second child will be sick as well. Maggie was sick during the Christmas Break, and now Riley is sick.

The kids take a school bus to the school I teach at. After I walked my students to their buses yesterday and greeted Riley and Maggie, I could tell in seconds that Riley was really sick. Last night, he coughed all night, as well as blowing his nose. When I woke up at 5:30 this morning and opened his door, I saw tissues all over the floor, his comforter was thrown to the end of the bed, and his face was puffy. This wasn't a "borderline" kind of day; I knew that he had to stay home. Quickly I wrote sub plans and contacted my favorite substitute teacher, who luckily wasn't already working.

I remember before I had kids, having a conversation with my good friend Susan, who I taught with in WA state. One time, Susan had to take a couple days off since one of her kids was sick. She later told me, secretly, that she enjoyed taking time off when the kids were sick. She got to nurse them back to health, but while they were resting, she was able to get things done around her house.

Riley is laying on the couch, watching TV, and resting. After I write, I plan on doing some housework, bake some gluten-free things, and do some reading. If I'm home, I might as well enjoy it.

And 6 Months later...

Today marks the anniversary of our 6 month return back to the United States. I wouldn't had even thought twice about this date and anniversary, but Riley made me think of this last night.

I was up late last night, since I've been on this schedule of going to bed late, and getting up later, because of Christmas Break. Last night, I knew I would have a difficult time going to sleep, so I watched TV, listened to the news, and did some things on the computer, as the rest of the family was nestled in their beds. About 10:00, Riley came down the stairs, with tears in his eyes. At first, I thought it was because he was sick. But he kept repeating, "I miss Germany. I miss Germany." My heart just broke upon looking at his little innocent face. I want so bad to fix this. What can I do, as his mom, to make him feel better, when I have the same feelings?

I asked him what he missed the most, and he simply said, "Everything." He continued to tell me he misses the trams (we all know that), his old school, his old friends, and living in the city. He misses the excitement of our lives, because that's what it was; exciting. We were always so excited. We went on one or two vacations a month. It was a "Good Life."

I admitted to him that I miss it too, but he already knows that. I admitted crying earlier that day when I was watching a reality TV show in which the woman on the show was visiting Paris. "I just kept looking at her and the streets and remembering how we were there, and how much fun we had there." I was honest with him and my feelings, and I found that we both started crying as we hugged. Riley is just 9 years old, but as a 9 year old boy, he knows so much about the world. He has been in 15 countries, all with its unique cultures, languages and customs. He has plans to visit Germany and his friends he met there when he is of high-school age, and he is challenging his German teacher to teach him more German, writing her a note last week, "Please challenge me. I plan on moving to Germany again and you need to teach me." Now, his teacher strictly speaks to him in German, which he prefers. His motivation to return back to Europe is impressive, and I don't think he will ever relent on this decision. But at this moment, as I'm hugging him, I honestly don't know what to say to him, because I miss it too, and it saddens me. I surprise myself and give him good advice. I tell him that he is aware of how big the world is, and how he has seen so much. How lucky he is, to do something that some people never get to do; to travel the world. I tell him to look at the positive. And since he knows how cool Europe is, I tell him, "I know someday you'll be back there. You already know where you want to go." I encourage him to keep skypping his 2 German friends, Mark and Karl. I tell him that I hope someday that you will be reunited with these friends. These friends are your connection to Germany. Stay in touch with these friends, and you will feel closer to Germany in this way. I also encourage him to keep up with his writing. Since 1st grade, Riley has been writing in a journal and since 2nd grade, a blog. Writing about your feelings will help too. He looks at me, still shaking, sad and upset. I just hug him again. I know we all feel helpless when our kids are sad, and there seems to be nothing we can do to help. This is one of those times. I actually feel my heart breaking as I look at his sad eyes and his quivering lips.

Riley sits at the computer and he writes to Mark and Karl, making an appointment to skype with them on Saturday. I tell Riley that I would love these friends to come visit us in New York. We talk about this for a bit, and I promise Riley that I will talk to his friends' parents, so see if this is a possiblity. I say good night to Riley, and as he slowly walks up the stairs, I feel so sad for him. He fell in love with our life there too. Riley and I are both waiting for this...this feeling...to go away. When will we stop missing Germany and Europe so much? When will the hurt gradually go away? At Riley and Maggie's International School in Germany, I attended a class on returning to your country, after being an expat. Those speakers told me that it would take 6 months-1 year to fully feel happy. I also learned that when you return back to the same city you lived in, it is even more difficult. All of my expat friends that I met in Germany, are all new to the NY area.They may be experiencing NY as they did when we were in Germany; as a new and exciting adenture. So, we just, today, reached the 6 month point. It is obvious that Riley and I need more time.

Vacation is over...

Maggie and Riley in New York City, December 26th, 2008

This Christmas vacation is nearly over. All in all, it was a nice, calm, vacation. The kids and I will go back to school, hopefully ready tomorrow.

Over the Christmas break, I have been reading a teaching book called "A Place For Wonder." My school librarian recommended it to me, telling me that she thought that I would enjoy it. After reading half the book, it makes me rethink how I teach Writing and Science, and I'm looking forward to incorporating some of these practices in my classroom. I have also discovered several kindergarten teacher blogs, and I am truly amazed at how much work they all put into keeping up their blogs and sharing their ideas. Of course, most of things on their blogs are teaching materials that you need to pay for to get, but nonetheless, there's still lots of ideas out there. I feel the creative juices, and I'm glad I had the break to get some of that energy back!

This is the first time in all my years being a teacher that I neglected to go into school during Christmas Break. If I were to make a guess, I would say about 60% of elementary teachers return to school, at some point during the vacation. We make copies, get centers ready, organize ourselves, and take down all the Christmas evidence that is still on our walls. Well, I wasn't able to get into school, since Maggie was sick, so I'm sure my first day back tomorrow will be a little overwhelming. But I really can't worry about it now, since I do have one day left of this vacation!

I'm going to spend today taking a walk with the kids and Toga, since it's sunny and fairly warm out. Maggie wrote some songs over the Christmas break, so she plans on performing them on her piano later this afternoon. It's the simple things today. The busy life will start again tomorrow. For today, I have one more day to just be.

A New Year

A new year, 2012, is here. New Year's Eve has always been a big party night for me. But since having kids, the biggest party I have now is playing games all night so my kids stay up, and then we count down as we see the ball drop in Times Square. It is hard for me to say goodbye to 2011. 2011 was a magical, inspiring year for me, and I honestly don't know if any other year will or can be better.

Last year for New Year's Eve, we went to the square in our city of Dresden and watched a firework show. Then we walked throughout Dresden, taking the long way to take a tram back to our flat. I couldn't believe the craziness. People were letting fireworks EVERYWHERE. Many times, just barely missing us. They were being lit, and then flying down the street, not up in the sky. I actually become, at times, scared. In a country where people "follow the rules" and there's so much conformity, I was shocked at the crazy German people! They usually are a quiet breed of people; when you take buses, trams, or trains, everyone is so quiet, it used to drive me mad! And one time, I took Maggie to Abba Mania, and as I listened to the Abba songs that night, I was shocked that the German people sat in their seats for most of the concert. It was like we were at the opera; people watched in a sort of trance. So to see some crazy behavior, FINALLY, with all this emotion, was surprising to me. But I have to admit, as I walked through the artsy part of our city, there were moments I looked at Tim, and said, "Where are we??" I couldn't believe that fireworks were just going off all around us. When we arrived home later that night, we sat outside our balcony and watched all the fireworks going off. I told my kids that in all my 40 years of living, I have never seen so many fireworks. I felt so happy that night, even singing Katy Perry's "Firework" song to the people below. My kids reminded me of my singing last night. I guess that's what 3 glasses of sparkling wine will do to me.

Last night, it was a different picture. First of all, Maggie is sick, so we decided to stay home. We were invited to our best friend's house, but with Maggie sick, we decided to stay home. My husband fell asleep at 9 PM, only to wake up when Dick Clark's show came on. The kids and I played Wii games, we skypped with my sister, and then later with our best friends. We had a family talk about our dreams for 2012. We ate Chinese food, and opened our fortune cookies (which were eerily "right on". It was just a nice time.

This year, I don't really have any resolutions, because I don't really believe in starting all fresh. I think that life is a journey, so I think of it more as what did I learn in 2011 that I can apply to 2012? And because I learned SO much about myself and about the world, I feel the need to challenge myself in 2012. I have also loved writing, so I started this blog. I have decisions to make about what makes me happy about my career. Like I said in an earlier post, sometimes I think I'm ready to do something different related to teaching. As I explore these options, I need to not be afraid of change. 2012 will be a more difficult year for us, as a family. As my husband is starting up a local fab plant in our town, he is spending up to 14 hours at work, and it's only going to get worse, before it gets better. We know, as a family, that he needs to work these long hours. So, at the moment, my life seems very busy. Unlike last year, where I had so much time for myself. I wrote, I traveled, I spend lots of time with friends. Now, it's a much different landscape; I work, taking care of the kids afterschool, driving them to their activities, getting them ready for bed. Right now, the balance is not there. So as this year moves on, I hope to find that balance that I found in Germany, or at least, that feeling I had there. In the movie, "Eat, Pray, Love," Julie Roberts' character says to the man she falls in love with, "I'm afraid of falling in love with you because I am afraid of losing myself because I am so balanced right now." I just watched that movie for the first time a couple months ago, and when she said that I could totally relate. But instead of losing herself to a man, I'm afraid of losing myself to "Full-time Job Vs. A Mom." I don't want my job to have to interfere with me being a mom. How do we find that balance?? I guess that's my sort of, resolution. To find that balance. I think right now, with my husband's demanding job, it might take awhile to find it.
Here's to a Happy and Healthy 2012.