I first met Pat Fiien at the Copper Penny, our college dive bar. As usual, it was so crowded, you were forced to touch shoulders and bodies with the others that were there. A walk to the bathroom, took 20 minutes, with all the pushing you had to do to get there. My best friend Cathy and I were at the Penny that night, drinking our cheap beers and singing the songs from the 90's. The DJ was playing the song, "Everybody, Everybody," when Pat walked by us. When I say walked, I mean more like stood by us, since there was nowhere to go. And when I say he stood by us, I mean he towered over us. Pat was 6 feet, 7 or 8 inches tall. We had never seen him before, which we were not accustomed to at the Copper Penny. Most of the people at the Penny were St Rose students, and we knew everyone there. But this Pat, with his massive height and his unfamiliarity to us, we were a bit curious but cautious. Then, during the "OW" part of the "Everybody, Everybody" song, Pat looked down at us, and with the funniest and most comical face, he yelled, "OW." Cathy and I howled with laughter. He continued to stand there and did this for the entirety of the song. We would like to think he stayed there to entertain us, but most likely he was just stuck next to us for the whole song, since the bar was so crowded. We laughed and talked with Pat as best as we could- him being so tall and it being so loud, I don't think we were able to understand that much. But what we did understand, was that Pat brought us happiness and a good laugh. We found out later that night that Pat just transferred to our college, and was going to play basketball on our boys team.
We continued to see Pat on campus, and every encounter we had with him, was personal and always with laughter. He became someone that I could count on at St. Rose. Whether it was for a laugh, a favor, or just to talk to, I knew he would always make time for me.
One of my favorite memories with Pat was when a bunch of us went to see the movie Ghost at the Madison movie theater, which was walking distance from our college campus. There's a part of the movie when Patrick Swayze's character wants to learn how to move things as a ghost, so he is urging a ghost on a subway train to teach him. This ghost continuously yells, "Get off my train," with his booming voice and his face looking pained, but this scene in the movie had me laughing so hard in the movie theater. After the movie on our walk home, Pat yelled, "Get off my train,"to me, acting like the ghost from the movie in that scene. I laughed so hard, and he just kept repeating this phrase, all the way back to our school, and I howled with laughter each time, like a baby who is giggling at something her parent keeps repeating that is funny. Years later, when we were in touch with email, he asked if I remembered that, and I said of course. He wrote back and said that when he sees that scene when watching Ghost, he thinks of me. On Facebook with our yearly birthdays, we sometimes would write "Get off my train, and happy birthday."
Pat was someone who was always positive, and he always wanted to spread his happiness to others. He cared how others felt. Because of this, people were drawn to him. He was friends with all of the different social groups at St. Rose because of this. He was the friendliest person I might ever meet. He took time to get to know people. His smile, his hugs and his sense of humor always brought you to his world of just happiness. I never saw him in a bad mood. I never saw him upset.
About 2 weeks ago, after one of the hardest days at my work, I came home late, around 6:15. As I walked in and filled my husband on my crazy day, I stood in front of our gas fireplace, trying to warm up, with my back against the television. The local news was on, and the sports broadcaster was talking about a death in the St. Rose basketball community. I was expecting someone who I didn't know- maybe someone who graduated years before me? But as I turned around, my friend Pat's picture was on the TV screen...my sweet, funny friend, who just a couple months ago, told me that turning 50 was no big deal, when I turned 50, since he was a year older...I was stunned. I broke out in tears, and couldn't stop sobbing. Why Pat? Why the best?
It's been a couple weeks since Pat's passing. I am still stunned, and just yesterday, I broke out in another round of tears. I attended his wake, and met his kids. His wife. His players on his basketball team lined the receiving line, opposite the family. After college, he continued with college basketball, but with the coaching side of it. He had impacted so many college kids, and the college communities he worked with. His son, Marcus, is attending Cornell and playing basketball. Marcus is the same height, if not taller, than Pat, and his daughter Lauren is a senior in high school, also playing basketball. You could tell that his kids are great, polite kids, and that he and his wife did a great job parenting. I can't imagine seeing Pat everyday, and then have that taken from me...his presence from those who saw his light each day, will miss him the most.
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| Me and Pat. He would yell, "I'm OUTTA HERE!" across campus, during our senior week |
Classmates reminisced in back of the funeral home. Sometimes softly to respect the quietness around us. Sometimes loudly, as we laughed at some of the stories we were listening to and telling. I think Pat would like the laughter, since he was always seeking the fun and laughter in life.
At 8 PM on Valentine's Day, as I was clicking through the stations to watch TV, I stopped as Ghost was just beginning to play on MTV. I immediately got emotional, since this was our movie. I watched until our part came on, "Get off my train," and I sat on my couch and cried. I cried because I lost my friend. I cried because he was no longer here with us, to impact the people that he inspired. I cried because it just hit me all over again. It hit me, that Pat was now a ghost. I sat on that couch, and cried. I texted a college friend, who told me just to cry. I sat there, and said, "Why is this movie on, now? Is this a sign? What is it?" I know it's Valentine's Day, and Ghost is a rom-com, so I shouldn't be all that shocked I came across it this night, but still, I would think Pat would want me to watch that part, and just laugh, like we used to. To remember him, to remember to laugh in life, and to be silly. He's reminding me of that, as I sat on that couch and then I started to smile. I know that Pat is a bright light in heaven, in whatever ghostly form or spirit
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| Pat, Cathy, me and Collette singing on the Booze Cruise. It says in my photograph book, we are singing, "Should I Stay, Or Should I go?" by the Ramones. |
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| I wish we could sing back, I think you should stay... |
he's in. I can only hope that when I'm afraid and nervous entering the world beyond, that Pat will be there for me, yelling to me, "Get off my train," and then more calmly, "Get over here, you're in heaven."
