2012

2012 is almost over, and what kind of year did we all have?

For me, personally, it was a year of transitions and adjustments.  With a new job, I was faced with lots of difficulties and obstacles with co-workers, and I had to learn to work with people that are different than me;  very strong personalities.   It was a year of frustration, and having to endure with these "setbacks" and having to settle.  After applying for a teaching position at my former school, I was told that Human Resources lost my transfer request, and my request to move schools was denied.  It was such a disappointment for me, since I was having these issues at my new school, and looked at this as my "way out;"  the light at the end of the tunnel.  Always trying to stay positive, I found myself being upset a lot.  It took a long time to find peace with this decision,  or with this HR mistake...Currently, I am in my 2nd year at this new school, and the environment is a lot different for me and I'm making it work.

2012 was also the year of my migraine headaches.  I am so grateful for a neurologist that I see in Clifton Park.  I am now on a preventative pill, and my headaches are much more under control.  What triggers them?  I honestly think it was the stress from work last year.  I am fortunate, because as I write this, my principal is putting in special filter lights in my classroom, to help decrease my migraines (I had to leave school one day this year because I lost vision, then a migraine came on).  I still get them, but not at all in frequency.

2012 was the year I became a runner.  My friend asked me to run a 5 K with her in the Fall, so I decided to give it a try.  I started running seriously in  July, and by September, I was running my first 5K.  I felt so healthy and alive, and I found myself being addicted to running.  Now, however, with winter here and a foot of snow on the ground, I haven't been able to run.  I'm debating on trying to get a treadmill.  I feel so much better, physically and mentally, after running.  It releases so much negative out of me.

2012 was a year of change for my children.  Riley was elected the student council president at his school.  He also raised just over $3,500 for St. Baldrick's, which helps fund research for childhood cancers.  Maggie has become a swimmer and is on a swim team.   She is becoming a very independent and strong 8-year old, and I'm so blessed to have my two children, because they are perfect in every way.

2012 was a year of family reunions.  Tim's parents drove in their RV from Washington State to visit us for 10 days.  Then shortly after, my sister got married, and my mom's side of the family were all in town;  the first time since my Grandmother's death.

2012 also brought a decline in our dog Toga's health.  He now has diabetes, liver problems and heart problems.  He's currently on 3 different medications, and he is declining...It's been a sad sad couple of months, but our vet has convinced us that Toga is a "Miracle Dog," and he is surpassing all her expectations (she had suggested we put him down in September).  Because we knew Toga was on the decline, we decided to rescue a dog named Guppy.  Guppy is a French Bulldog/Boston Terrier mix and he's between 4 and 5 years old.  We brought him home in August, and he is slowly becoming an integral member of our house.  In the beginning, he had many issues (peeing everywhere, bitting issues), but now I'm happy to say that I think Guppy is slowly learning and he is honestly a good dog..now.  Toga will be approaching his 13th birthday this Spring.  I know in 2013, it may be Toga's last year with us...This will be very hard for all of us.  But we are lucky to have this time with him now.

2012 also brought back thoughts to Germany.  My husband is currently applying for a position back in Germany.  We will know soon if we are indeed moving again.  This time, it will be more permanent, and there would not be an end date.  I do miss Europe, and all that it offers.  I find myself bored here a lot.  I get upset at how small my world seems to be again, living in the US.  I want to think more globally again, and I miss walking in squares and plazas, that are filled with history and amazing architecture.  If we are to move, it would be soon.  It would be in February.  So, if this does happen, we will start the beginning of 2013 with having the task of selling our house, and trying to figure out what items to permanently keep, and which ones to sell.  Last time we moved to Germany, our friend Kellie lived in our house, since it was only for a year.  We rented a furnished apartment, so we did not have to ship large items abroad.  It is a daunting task, and one that we are unsure about as of now.

So, I'm ending this blog on a good note.  A note that we could be once again, be living in Germany and part of the European culture again.  It is a time of feeling excitement and uncertainty..This kind of decision will be a difficult one to make;  if Tim is even offered the position...But this ex-expat could once again be an expat...We will have to see what 2013 will bring.

And 6 Months later...

Today marks the anniversary of our 6 month return back to the United States. I wouldn't had even thought twice about this date and anniversary, but Riley made me think of this last night.

I was up late last night, since I've been on this schedule of going to bed late, and getting up later, because of Christmas Break. Last night, I knew I would have a difficult time going to sleep, so I watched TV, listened to the news, and did some things on the computer, as the rest of the family was nestled in their beds. About 10:00, Riley came down the stairs, with tears in his eyes. At first, I thought it was because he was sick. But he kept repeating, "I miss Germany. I miss Germany." My heart just broke upon looking at his little innocent face. I want so bad to fix this. What can I do, as his mom, to make him feel better, when I have the same feelings?

I asked him what he missed the most, and he simply said, "Everything." He continued to tell me he misses the trams (we all know that), his old school, his old friends, and living in the city. He misses the excitement of our lives, because that's what it was; exciting. We were always so excited. We went on one or two vacations a month. It was a "Good Life."

I admitted to him that I miss it too, but he already knows that. I admitted crying earlier that day when I was watching a reality TV show in which the woman on the show was visiting Paris. "I just kept looking at her and the streets and remembering how we were there, and how much fun we had there." I was honest with him and my feelings, and I found that we both started crying as we hugged. Riley is just 9 years old, but as a 9 year old boy, he knows so much about the world. He has been in 15 countries, all with its unique cultures, languages and customs. He has plans to visit Germany and his friends he met there when he is of high-school age, and he is challenging his German teacher to teach him more German, writing her a note last week, "Please challenge me. I plan on moving to Germany again and you need to teach me." Now, his teacher strictly speaks to him in German, which he prefers. His motivation to return back to Europe is impressive, and I don't think he will ever relent on this decision. But at this moment, as I'm hugging him, I honestly don't know what to say to him, because I miss it too, and it saddens me. I surprise myself and give him good advice. I tell him that he is aware of how big the world is, and how he has seen so much. How lucky he is, to do something that some people never get to do; to travel the world. I tell him to look at the positive. And since he knows how cool Europe is, I tell him, "I know someday you'll be back there. You already know where you want to go." I encourage him to keep skypping his 2 German friends, Mark and Karl. I tell him that I hope someday that you will be reunited with these friends. These friends are your connection to Germany. Stay in touch with these friends, and you will feel closer to Germany in this way. I also encourage him to keep up with his writing. Since 1st grade, Riley has been writing in a journal and since 2nd grade, a blog. Writing about your feelings will help too. He looks at me, still shaking, sad and upset. I just hug him again. I know we all feel helpless when our kids are sad, and there seems to be nothing we can do to help. This is one of those times. I actually feel my heart breaking as I look at his sad eyes and his quivering lips.

Riley sits at the computer and he writes to Mark and Karl, making an appointment to skype with them on Saturday. I tell Riley that I would love these friends to come visit us in New York. We talk about this for a bit, and I promise Riley that I will talk to his friends' parents, so see if this is a possiblity. I say good night to Riley, and as he slowly walks up the stairs, I feel so sad for him. He fell in love with our life there too. Riley and I are both waiting for this...this feeling...to go away. When will we stop missing Germany and Europe so much? When will the hurt gradually go away? At Riley and Maggie's International School in Germany, I attended a class on returning to your country, after being an expat. Those speakers told me that it would take 6 months-1 year to fully feel happy. I also learned that when you return back to the same city you lived in, it is even more difficult. All of my expat friends that I met in Germany, are all new to the NY area.They may be experiencing NY as they did when we were in Germany; as a new and exciting adenture. So, we just, today, reached the 6 month point. It is obvious that Riley and I need more time.

My First Post

My first post....I guess I should start out by telling more about who I am. What defines me.

My name is Stacey and I am 41. I am a wife, mother, teacher. This year is my 17th year of teaching and I'm currently teaching Kindergarten. Currently, I am very fulfilled being a teacher and educator, but at the same time, I feel like there's something more out there for me to do. What that is; I don't know. Being a writer? Opening my own pre-school? Teaching at a community college? These are ideas and aspirations I toy around with.

Last year, I was an expat's wife. I spent a year living in Germany, and in that year, I traveled to 15 countries and learned so much about life. I really should had started my blog last year, huh??? I have been back in the United States for almost 6 months, and I'm finding that I'm still adapting back to my "old life" here. My year in Germany was similar to an "Eat, Pray, Love" year. I took time for myself, I grew confident. Part of my adjustments back to the United States is the balance of being a mom and having a full-time job, and on top of that, finding time for my husband. But I guess that is half of America and the world. But I had the luxury of just being a full-time mom while in Europe, and it felt great to be on top of the kids' activities, the housekeeping, and just feeling relaxed. Now, I am driving around town, with my head cut off, barely able to think. I am still adjusting to my transition back here. I fell in love with Europe- the architecture. Walking and not having to rely on a car. City life. Cobblestone streets. The fashion. The excitement of traveling. Learning about cultures. I don't know when I will be "back to my ole self," in terms of me just not missing my old life. It's kind of like going through a break-up- that's what I'm going through. I really did fall in love with Europe, and now we are broken up.

I named my blog, "Forty and Fabulous" because that's what I feel, right now in this stage of my life. I feel the best that I've ever felt. I think my year in Europe changed me to feel this way, along with just being wiser, that comes along with getting older.

I have a husband, Tim, and we have been married for 16 years. I am madly in love with him, and he's the best thing that happened to me. I truly feel lucky to have the relationship I have.

I have a son who is 9 years old, Riley. Riley is an old soul, and when I hang out with him, sometimes I think he's the "older" one. I wonder where life will take him. My daughter Maggie is 7 and she's full of energy and very witty and chatty. I feel lucky to have my kids, too. They are good to me. I cherish my relationships with both my kids and hope that my closeness with them continues on until the teenage years and adulthood.

What else to describe me: I am bubbly, friendly, positive person. I surround myself with people like me. All of my best friends inspire me, and there's something in them that I aspire to be more of.

I have a Boston Terrier dog named Toga. Toga is like my child. I love that dog to death. I will probably put a million pictures of him on this blog.

Well, this is my first post. I plan of writing about daily life events; A-ha moments, my life as a mother, teacher and wife. As I write, I have no idea who my audience is. I guess right now it's just ME!

So long!!