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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Toga; Two weeks After

It's been nearly 2 weeks since Toga's passing, and it's still hard to talk about him, or look at a picture of him and not want to pet him or imagine he's still laying on my front porch.  Everywhere I look, there are his things, his pictures.  Even in my classroom, I wrote a story about him, and my class of kindergarteners had to revise my writing to make it better.  It is on my wall, as a reference as to how to revise.  His stuffed animals are tucked into corners of our Victorian house. His big cozy bed is now Guppy's.  His photographs are all over the place.  Pictures of him in Europe, pictures of him with our newborn children, pictures of him with all four of us.

Guppy seems to be alright, but is confused at meal times.  We always fed Toga first, and Guppy patiently waited for his meals.  Now when it's time to eat, he hasn't been eating.  I don't know if it's because he's still waiting for Toga to eat first, or what... But I think Guppy even misses him.

Guppy has been our lifesaver.  All four of us have turned to Guppy for comfort.  But Guppy will never be Toga.  There can only be one Toga.  Toga, the dog who wasn't really a dog.  The dog who was so human-like with his emotions, so human-like with his intelligence.  And then there's Guppy;  the dog who chases his balls, can't learn a new trick after 3 weeks, barks at everything he hears outside, and is just a dog- yes, Guppy is your average, run of the mill dog.

Toga's vet has yet to call us about picking up his ashes.  We talk about putting them in the front yard garden, or in the backyard.  I think that will be a hard day, since it's almost like putting closure on a dog we loved, and who loved us back more.

I have never gone through a death of a pet.  Toga is my first pet.  I don't know if deaths of your pets get any easier after experience...maybe they don't.  I tell myself that it's harder for me, since I have  never grieved for my pet.  My best friend.  My buddy.

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