This morning when I was at work, I was talking to some teachers before our classes came whirling through our hallways. One of the teachers is very pregnant with her second child, and her due date is at the end of this month. As I was listening to her talk this morning, and how relaxed she seemed, I couldn't help remember the feelings I had when I was in labor with Maggie, my 2nd child.
Maggie was estimated to be a 12 pound baby, so I was scheduled to have a C-section with her. I went into labor 3 days before my scheduled C-section. We called the doctor, and she told us to come to the hospital to avoid the unneccesary labor- we were going to have this baby tonight, and still have the C-section. Instead of having the baby on Monday the 16th, our daughter Maggie would be born on Friday the 13th!
We made arrangments for our two-year old son to be picked up by my mom. I was, all of a sudden, stricken with a sense of loss, as I said goodbye to Riley. Would I ever love another child the same that I love Riley? How can you love two children the same? After Riley left with my mom, I found myself sitting on a chair and not wanting to go to the hospital. (My husband took a picture of this moment because he thought it was comical-which I'll post- because now I think it's funny)- I was afraid to have another baby. Afraid to love another baby. What if I couldn't love another baby? My husband, who is good at reasoning with me when I'm crazy, got me off that chair, lugged my suitcase into the car and drove us to the hospital.
Maggie was born at 11:45 PM on Friday the 13th, even after trying to convince the hospital staff to wait until after midnight.
My friend who is having her 2nd baby later this month laughed at my story. She is clearly more ready to have her 2nd than I was.
I have to say, that after the first second I met my daughter Maggie, I loved her as much as Riley! All that worrying for nothing.
I remember driving with my husband on the day my son was born crying that I didn't want to have him yet, that I wasn't ready. It sounded ridiculous because we'd had his room set up for him for weeks and because I was so sick of being on bedrest. Something I couldn't quite describe came over me that perhaps the connection I had with my son was not going to be the same once he was born. It wasn't the same - it was better. :)
ReplyDeleteIndeed we love them all!
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